Live and Lead with Consciousness
An unconscious moment at the end of my 2023 Hawai’i Ironman 70.3 on the Big Island of Hawai’i stole from what should have been a celebration of recovery and accomplishment.
The moment captured here is from the 2023 Ironman 70.3 triathlon in Hawai’i. I was nearly at the finish of a hot and humid day of swimming 1.9k, cycling 90k, and running 21k. Racing that day was a real victory lap, a comeback, just 8 months after shattering my elbow. Yes! I *get to* play in the Pacific and the lava fields of the Big Island. All the therapy and internal work was really hard; it was time to reap the benefits. That slog could be a motivational novel in itself. I was so thrilled to be past the hardest parts of that injury.
Feeling strong and happy to be reaching the end of this race day, just moment made me realize I was still vulnerable to negativity. Sure, I had those moments earlier in the race:
Doubts about the swim: What if I hit my elbow on a flailing arm? What about sharks?!
Doubts during the hilly ride: What if someone crashes into me in a cross wind? What if I get a flat?
And, definitely doubts on the run: What if I overheat and have to walk it in? Am I going hard enough?
I worked my way through those doubts, like I always do. Wasn’t I past all that by the last few minutes of the race?
No. I’m suddenly overtaken by a male athlete who was really sprinting it in. My quick assessment was that it was still too far to the finish to go with him and challenge. I was already burning my last match for the race. That’s when my brain went negative in a snap. Those last 60 seconds to the finish were filled with this sort of negative chatter:
I didn’t run hard enough today.
If you had reallllly pushed, no one would be passing you so late!
Who cares if a male passes you? I do! It’s not about passing boys, it’s about losing another finish place. Ugh!
How quickly I went to criticize my effort rather than hold onto the happiness and strength I felt. This was a victory lap, remember? If I had pushed back on the negativity right then, I might have considered that this man did not start the race at the same time I did. We had a staggered start, after all.
Later, I learned that I had beat this athlete by over two minutes. This moment was a loud signal that I had some reflecting to do.
I call these negative thoughts doubt demons. Imaginary critters created by our brains that steal from our efforts and focus. We allow them to make us feel less than the amazing person we are. They sneak up when we are not paying attention. When we don’t practice self awareness and mindfulness. Unconscious moments happen any time in business and life, not just in big events like a race. They are usually small, almost unnoticeable moments. And yet they add up over time, sometimes becoming a mode of living, of leading. When this happens, there is a lot of space for doubt, maybe even imposter syndrome to set up camp in your head and heart.
How to change, to begin shifting to a more conscious life? At first, it might be about breaking through unconsciousness to find the positive in…any moment of the day. Be patient and persevere. With practice, and maybe supportive coaching, that breakthrough can be found and sustained, and then strengthened to become a way of living and leading. The result of this hard work? Resilience. Your lows won’t be so low, and your highs might lift your potential to incredible places you never imagined. Your finish lines will be sweet, your victory laps not forgotten. This is your wild and precious life; work for it and love it.